File: Jill and Chief Irons.swf-(5.74 MB, 848x480, Porn)
[_] Check out my stories: Anonymous 05/10/17(Wed)04:32:08 No.3242978
I'd appreciate it:
http://games.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600088532
http://games.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600088292
You can post anonymous reviews without an account needed so please do so if you'd want to:
http://games.adult-fanfiction.org/review.php?set=add&no=600088532
http://games.adult-fanfiction.org/review.php?set=add&no=600088292
>> [_] Anonymous 05/10/17(Wed)05:42:52 No.3242995
Ok first off, who the fuck still writes pornographic fanfiction?
Secondly, you need to stay consistent with the narration. You have a habit of switching between
1st person and 3rd. For instance:
3rd
"It had been two days since Jill left her burning apartment. Everything had gone to hell so fast
and she still hadn't been prepared for any of this...
Jill thought she might not even be alive right now if not for..."
1st
"However things started to drag as Dario had grown increasingly more agitated hour by the hour.
We had gotten into an argument and he snapped at me and it almost seemed like he was gonna throw
his rations at me. Then he walloped it against the wall and walked away. Nobody had come by in
the hours we had sat and waited. I could understand his feelings although I hadn't gone as far as
he had."
>> [_] Heaven 05/10/17(Wed)06:08:31 No.3242999
Can somebody ban this kid for longer than a month holy shit
>> [_] Anonymous 05/10/17(Wed)11:48:54 No.3243039
>>3242978
The only thing of value that you posted was the porn. Never post your fanfictions here again, you
fucking redditor.
>> [_] Anonymous 05/10/17(Wed)12:16:20 No.3243042
>>3242978
Newfags like this can post and I fucking can't
HIROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>> [_] Anonymous 05/10/17(Wed)13:04:15 No.3243051
>>3242978
For fuck's sake, you're back too?
Did mods unban everyone from /f/ while fucking around with the posting permissions?
Are we going to see zeitgeist shit here in a day or two?
>> [_] Anonymous 05/10/17(Wed)18:01:47 No.3243107
reported
>> [_] Anonymous 05/10/17(Wed)18:09:27 No.3243111
the cancer is now stage IV
