File: lolicatgirlsremix.swf-(297 KB, 640x400, Loop)
[_] Anonymous 11/21/16(Mon)20:51:17 No.

Marked for deletion (old).
>> [_] LISTER 11/22/16(Tue)03:28:15 No.

  Kryten, what you doing, man?

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)03:28:46 No.

  >>3180163
  I've just repaired the toaster, Sir. Well, I've nearly repaired the toaster.

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)03:29:16 No.

  >>3180164
  Oh NO, man! Dismantle him! You don't know what the little bleeder's like!

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)03:29:47 No.

  >>3180165
  Well, I've read all the documentation, Sir. He's simply a talking alarm clock who provides his
  owner with early morning toast and light conversation.

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)03:30:17 No.

  >>3180166
  Not this one. This one's mental!

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)03:30:48 No.

  >>3180168
  Sir?

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)03:31:19 No.

  >>3180169
  He's defective. He wants everyone to eat toast ALL OF THE TIME. He's obsessed with it. And if you
  don't want to eat, like, four hundreds rounds of toast EVERY HOUR, he throws a major wobbly.
  That's what caused the accident in the first place.

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)03:31:50 No.

  >>3180171
  What accident?

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)03:32:21 No.

  >>3180172
  The accident involving me, the toaster, the waste disposal and the fourteen pound lump-hammer.

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)03:32:52 No.

  >>3180173
  That explains why he was down in the garbage hold in three thousand separate pieces.

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)03:33:23 No.

  >>3180174
  Another thing. He always says "Howdy doodly do." Drives you spare. I mean, what the smeg does
  "Howdy doodly do" mean?

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)03:33:53 No.

  >>3180175
  Well, just trust me, Sir. My motives will become clear.

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)03:34:36 No.

  Kryten presses some more buttons on the keyboard. The TOASTER lights up and
  speaks. Its bread-lowering lever moves up and down as it speaks with its
  mid-Atlantic accent in an impossibly cheerful tone:

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)03:35:07 No.

  Howdy doodly do! How's it going? I'm Talkie -- Talkie Toaster, your chirpy breakfast companion.
  Talkie's the name, toasting's the game. Anyone like any toast?

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)03:35:47 No.

  >>3180178
  Look, I don't want any toast, and he (indicating KRYTEN) doesn't want any toast. In fact, no one
  around here wants any toast. Not now, not ever. NO TOAST.

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)03:36:17 No.

  >>3180179
  How 'bout a muffin?

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)03:36:48 No.

  >>3180181
  OR muffins! OR muffins! We don't LIKE muffins around here! We want no muffins, no toast, no
  teacakes, no buns, baps, baguettes or bagels, no croissants, no crumpets, no pancakes, no potato
  cakes and no hot-cross buns and DEFINITELY no smegging flapjacks!

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)03:37:19 No.

  >>3180182
  Aah, so you're a waffle man!

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)03:37:50 No.

  >>3180176
  See? You see what he's like? He winds me up, man. There's no reasoning with him.

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)03:38:27 No.

  >>3180184
  If you'll allow me, Sir, as one mechanical to another. He'll understand me. (Addressing the
  TOASTER as one would address an errant child) Now. Now, you listen here. You will not offer ANY
  grilled bread products to ANY member of the crew. If you do, you will be on the receiving end of
  a very large polo mallet.

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)03:38:58 No.

  >>3180185
  Can I ask just one question?

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)03:39:28 No.

  >>3180186
  Of course.

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)03:39:59 No.

  >>3180187
  Would anyone like any toast?

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)03:40:29 No.

  >>3180188
  Didn't you HEAR what I just said?

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)03:41:00 No.

  >>3180189
  Yes, but I thought you might have changed your mind in the meantime.

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)03:41:31 No.

  >>3180189
  You see? You see what he's like?

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)03:42:01 No.

  >>3180191
  (Exasperated) We haven't changed our mind!

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)03:42:37 No.

  >>3180191
  NO TOAST!

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)03:43:08 No.

  >>3180193
  >>3180195
  But I am a toaster. It is my /raison d'etre/. I toast, therefore I am. If you don't want any
  toast, why did you repair me?

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)03:43:39 No.

  >>3180193
  Yeah, why did you repair him?

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)03:44:12 No.

  >>3180197
  He's a guinea pig for a technique called "Intelligence Compression." His AI chips were very badly
  damaged in the accident.

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)03:44:43 No.

  >>3180199
  But that was no accident! That was first-degree toastercide!

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)03:45:14 No.

  >>3180200
  Just shut your grill!

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)03:46:03 No.

  LISTER elbows the toaster in the grill, hard. It says "Ow," but nothing more.

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)03:46:37 No.

  By re-routing his circuitry, and channelling all his runtime through a single CPU, I've managed
  to restore his intelligence, at the cost of reducing his operational lifespan.

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)03:47:08 No.

  >>3180203
  So?

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)03:47:39 No.

  >>3180204
  So, if it works with him, it could work with Holly. We could restore her IQ of six thousand. She
  could be brilliant again.

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)03:48:40 No.

  In a different section of Red Dwarf. The entire crew is here. Cables fill the corridor. KRYTEN is
  re-routing circuitry with a large screwdriver

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)03:49:10 No.

  You really think this can work? You really think that airhead of a computer can become a genius
  again?

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)03:49:41 No.

  >>3180208
  Well, with no disrespect to Holly, Sir, it could hardly make her worse.

>> [_] Cat 11/22/16(Tue)03:50:12 No.

  >>3180209
  Right. If we can just teach her to count without banging her head on the screen it's gonna be an
  improvement.

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)03:52:16 No.

  >>3180210
  Computer senility. Such a weird condition.

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)03:52:48 No.

  >>3180213
  I know. I had a mechanoid friend once who suffered from the same affliction. His name was
  Gilbert, but he preferred it if people called him "Rameses Niblick the Third, Kerplunk Kerplunk,
  Whoops, Where's My Thribble." A sad case.

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)03:53:19 No.

  >>3180214
  Well, if you ask me, the Eskimos had the right idea. They KNEW how to handle the elderly and the
  permanently baffled. Middle of the night, they'd take them out into the blizzard, remove their
  pyjamas, and just leave them to it.

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)03:53:50 No.

  >>3180215
  And that's how the Eskimos cared for their old people?

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)03:54:21 No.

  >>3180216
  Absolutely. That's why there's no Eskimo word for "Eastbourne."

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)03:56:14 No.

  >>3180217
  If we can pull this off, man, if Holly CAN get her brains back, she'll be able to do anything.
  Invent a hyperdrive, get us back to Earth...

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)03:56:44 No.

  >>3180218
  If Earth still exists. And if it does, it's very doubtful the human race will have survived.

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)03:57:14 No.

  >>3180219
  All right then, a time machine. She can invent a time machine, and we could all pick whatever
  period in history we wanted to live in.

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)03:57:45 No.

  >>3180220
  Well, it'll be the nineteenth century for me. One of Napoleon's marshals. The chance to march
  across Europe with the greatest general of all time and kill Belgians. Marvellous.

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)03:58:16 No.

  >>3180219
  What about you, Kryters?

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)03:58:47 No.

  >>3180222
  Well, if I could go anywhere, absolutely anywhere at all in time, I think I'd probably choose to
  go back to a week last Tuesday.

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)03:59:17 No.

  >>3180223
  Why?

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)03:59:48 No.

  >>3180224
  Don't you remember? I did all the laundry, and then we watched TV. Wow, we won't see the like of
  THOSE sorts of days again.

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)04:00:18 No.

  HOLLY appears on the viewscreen.

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:00:49 No.

  How long now?

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)04:01:20 No.

  >>3180227
  Nearly there, Hol. Just a couple of minutes to load the circuits and, I dunno, maybe a minute to
  finalise the connection.

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)04:01:50 No.

  HOLLY bangs her head on the screen -- once, twice, thrice

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:02:21 No.

  So, it's just three minutes then? Better get down to the science room.

>> [_] Cat 11/22/16(Tue)04:02:52 No.

  We'd better pray to God this works. That ion storm has really done her head in, man.

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)04:04:37 No.

  In the Science room:
  HOLLY's console is surrounded by cables in what looks like a string-and-sticky-tape operation.
  Skutters rush about manipulating cables. An electronic bleep sounds.

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:05:08 No.

  There's the signal. Everything's set.

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)04:05:39 No.

  >>3180233
  Well, let's just hope you don't get an overload.

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:06:09 No.

  >>3180234
  What happens if I DO get an overload?

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)04:06:40 No.

  >>3180235
  You'll explode.

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:07:18 No.

  >>3180236
  Oh. It'd be worth it.

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)04:07:49 No.

  A skutter pulls a wire. A rumble begins to build.

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:08:21 No.

  It's coming! I can feel it!

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)04:08:52 No.

  The rumble builds up. Electrical sparks shoot up and down the cables;
  minor explosions occur. HOLLY's image on the viewscreen shatters and
  flies outward. The viewscreen displays:

  NEW IQ RATING: 68.

  HOLLY's face reappears, with eyes crossed and a goofy expression.

  NEW IQ RATING: 368.

  Again, the image explodes, to be replaced by a more normal-looking HOLLY;
  but the head seems to waver as though under great stress.

  NEW IQ RATING: 2,368.

  When the display settles to...

  NEW IQ RATING: 12,368.

  HOLLY's image vanishes from the viewscreen. Her head appears,
  hologramatically, within the science room, about two feet off the ground
  and four feet tall.

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:09:24 No.

  Strike a light, I'm a genius again! I know everything! Metaphysics, philosophy, the purpose of
  being; everything! Ask me a question, any question, and I'll answer it!

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)04:09:54 No.

  >>3180242
  Any question?

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:10:25 No.

  >>3180243
  Yes.

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)04:10:56 No.

  >>3180244
  How to break the speed of light? How to marry quantum mechanics and classical physics? Any
  question at all -- truly anything -- and you will answer?

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:11:26 No.

  >>3180245
  Yes

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)04:11:57 No.

  >>3180246
  Okay, here's my question: Would you like some toast?

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:12:27 No.

  >>3180247
  No, thank you. Now ask me another.

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)04:12:58 No.

  >>3180248
  Do you know anything about the use of chaos theory in predicting weather cycles?

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:13:28 No.

  >>3180249
  I know everything there is to know about chaos theory in predicting weather cycles!

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)04:13:59 No.

  >>3180250
  Oh, very well. Here's my second question:
  Would you like a crumpet?

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:14:30 No.

  >>3180251
  I'm a computer with a IQ of twelve thousand. You don't seem to understand; I know the meaning of
  the universe!

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)04:15:01 No.

  >>3180253
  That is not answering my question.

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:15:31 No.

  >>3180254
  No, I would not like a crumpet! Ask me a sensible question. Preferably one that isn't
  bread-related.

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)04:16:02 No.

  >>3180255
  Very well, I have a third question. A sensible question. A question that will tax your new IQ to
  its very limits and stretch the sinews of your knowledge to bursting point.

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:16:33 No.

  >>3180256
  This is going to be about waffles, isn't it?

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)04:17:03 No.

  >>3180257
  Certainly not. And I resent the implication that I am a one-dimensional, bread-obsessed
  electrical appliance.

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:17:34 No.

  >>3180258
  I apologies, toaster. What's the question?

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)04:18:05 No.

  >>3180259
  The question is this: Given that God is infinite, and that the universe is also infinite, would
  you like a toasted tea-cake?

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:18:36 No.

  >>3180260
  That's another bready question.

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)04:19:07 No.

  >>3180261
  It's not just bready, it's quite curranty too.

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:19:39 No.

  >>3180262
  Ask me a question that is wholly unbready and not even slightly curranty.

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)04:20:09 No.

  >>3180263
  Okay. Why have you got an IQ of twelve thousand when it was supposed to return and level out at
  six?

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:20:39 No.

  >>3180264
  Good question! There was a miscalculation. My IQ has doubled, but my life expectancy has been
  exponentially reduced.

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)04:21:10 No.

  >>3180265
  So what is your life expectancy?

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)04:21:41 No.

  With a BLIP, the viewscreen in the background pops up with:

  LIFE EXPECTANCY 345

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)04:22:11 No.

  Three hundred and forty-five years? Well, it's better than a kick in the breadtray.

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:22:41 No.

  >>3180268
  (Worried) Missed the decimal point...

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)04:23:12 No.

  >>3180269
  You have only three point four one years left to live?

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:23:42 No.

  >>3180270
  (panicking) That's not years, that's minutes: three point four one minutes!

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)04:24:13 No.

  >>3180271
  Well, here's my next question: What the smeg are you going to do?

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:24:43 No.

  >>3180272
  In order to conserve my remaining runtime, I'm going to switch myself off!

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)04:25:14 No.

  The hologrammatic HOLLY fades out.

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)04:25:45 No.

  Wait! Before you go! There is one question; an important one! The others will have to know!

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)04:26:16 No.

  HOLLY fades back in.

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:26:47 No.

  >>3180275
  What? WHAT?

>> [_] Toaster 11/22/16(Tue)04:27:18 No.

  >>3180277
  Would you like a cheese-and-ham brabble?

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)04:27:48 No.

  In one of the many Corridors

  The crew are returning to the science room. LISTER and KRYTEN lead.

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)04:28:18 No.

  No indication of signal failure. All the signs are excellent. I really believe we've done it!

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)04:28:49 No.

  All the lights fade and die.

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)04:29:20 No.

  What's happened?

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)04:29:50 No.

  LISTER flicks out his Zippo and lights it.

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)04:30:21 No.

  What's going on?

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)04:30:52 No.

  Listen! Can anyone hear anything?

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)04:31:23 No.

  There is silence.

>> [_] Cat 11/22/16(Tue)04:31:53 No.

  >>3180285
  No.

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)04:33:04 No.

  >>3180287
  Precisely. No one can hear anything! And you know WHY we can't hear anything?

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)04:33:35 No.

  >>3180288
  Why?

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)04:34:06 No.

  >>3180289
  Because there are NO sounds to hear.

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)04:34:37 No.

  >>3180290
  Kryten, isn't it round about this time of year that your head goes back to the lab for re-tuning?

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)04:35:07 No.

  >>3180291
  No, no, he's right. There's no sounds because the engines are dead. We've lost all power!

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)04:35:38 No.

  Lister walks forward and taps the door-open panel. Nothing happens.

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)04:36:09 No.

  Everything's down, even the doors!

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)04:36:40 No.

  >>3180294
  We've got to get to the science room; find out what happened.

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)04:37:11 No.

  >>3180295
  But there are fifty-three doors between here and the science room! What on Earth are we going to
  do?

>> [_] Cat 11/22/16(Tue)04:37:42 No.

  >>3180296
  (Snaps his fingers.) Hey, I got it! We laser our way through!

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)04:38:13 No.

  >>3180297
  An excellent suggestion, Sir, with just two minor drawbacks. One, we don't have a power source
  for the lasers, and two, we don't have any lasers.

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)04:38:44 No.

  >>3180298
  Look, they're only interior doors. They're only a light alloy. Maybe we could get through them if
  we use a battering ram. All we need is something, say, I dunno, six foot long, fairly sturdy,
  with a flat top.

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)04:39:15 No.

  Pause. LISTER and RIMMER both look toward KRYTEN. KRYTEN turns to see
  what they are looking at, to find CAT grinning at him.

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)04:39:46 No.

  Fifty-three doors! You can't be serious!

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)04:40:25 No.

  RIMMER and LISTER nod.

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)04:41:20 No.

  In the Science room.

  The door is knocked in by CAT and LISTER, holding a six-foot long, fairly sturdy, flat-topped
  battering ram between them. They enter, and stand him up. KRYTEN's eyes stare into the
  mid-distance

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)04:41:50 No.

  You okay, man?

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)04:42:21 No.

  >>3180304
  I'm fine, thank you, Susan.

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)04:42:51 No.

  It doesn't make sense. Holly seems to have offlined and powered down the ship.

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)04:43:22 No.

  >>3180306
  Why? Why would she want to turn herself off?

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)04:43:53 No.

  >>3180307
  We can soon find out. Kryten, boot her up.

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)04:44:40 No.

  KRYTEN presses some buttons on the keyboard. The viewscreen powers up with an image of the new,
  superintelligent HOLLY, and promptly powers down again

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)04:45:11 No.

  Try it again.

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)04:45:41 No.

  KRYTEN presses some buttons, the viewscreen comes up with a view of HOLLY

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:46:12 No.

  Go 'way! (She powers down again.)

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)04:46:43 No.

  What's going on? Give me voice control on the reboot command.

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)04:47:13 No.

  KRYTEN enters the command.

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)04:47:43 No.

  On. (The viewscreen powers up, to display HOLLY.)

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:48:13 No.

  Off. (It powers down again.)

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)04:48:44 No.

  On. (Holly)

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:49:15 No.

  Off. (Gone)

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)04:49:45 No.

  Kryten, is there any way we can override her shutdown veto?

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)04:50:16 No.

  >>3180320
  There is, Sir, but may I suggest that--

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)04:50:46 No.

  >>3180321
  Don't, just do it.

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)04:51:21 No.

  KRYTEN enters the command

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)04:51:52 No.

  On. (Holly returns.)

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:52:23 No.

  Off. (Nothing happens.)

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:52:54 No.

  (Annoyed) OFF!

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)04:53:25 No.

  >>3180326
  Now then, perhaps we can have a proper conversation conducted in a civilized and dignified manner.

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:53:56 No.

  >>3180327
  Take out the inhibitor! Switch me back off!

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)04:54:27 No.

  >>3180328
  What is going on?

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:54:57 No.

  >>3180329
  No time to explain. Intelligence compressed. Reduced lifespan. Two point three five remaining.

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)04:55:28 No.

  >>3180331
  Come again?

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:55:59 No.

  >>3180333
  IQ twelve thousand. Two minutes and closing.

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)04:56:33 No.

  >>3180334
  Holly, I haven't the slightest clue what you're drivelling about.

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:57:04 No.

  >>3180335
  You're a total smeghead, aren't you Rimmer? Why are you so unable to grasp this extraordinarily
  simple premise?

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)04:57:49 No.

  >>3180336
  What premise?

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:58:20 No.

  >>3180337
  The premise that I am about to expire in just under two minutes. Understand, moose brain? Any
  further questions? Take your time. One minute, thirty and counting. No rush.

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)04:58:33 No.

  >>3179973
  I unironically like this.
  The samefagging going on here, not so much

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)04:58:50 No.

  >>3180338
  My God, that's terrible! Hadn't we better switch you off?

>> [_] Holly 11/22/16(Tue)04:59:20 No.

  >>3180340
  Oh, I don't know. Let me see now...

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)04:59:51 No.

  Get her off, man, get her off!

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)05:00:21 No.

  KRYTEN powers HOLLY down.

>> [_] Cat 11/22/16(Tue)05:00:52 No.

  Great. So where does this leave us?

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)05:01:23 No.

  >>3180344
  It leaves us floating aimlessly in space, with no navigation and a rapidly diminishing emergency
  power supply. It leaves us galloping up diarrhoea drive without a saddle.

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)05:01:53 No.

  >>3180345
  So how come Grand Canyon Nostrils is still here?

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)05:02:24 No.

  >>3180347
  Yeah, Rimmer hasn't been wiped!

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)05:02:55 No.

  >>3180348
  Holly must have linked him up to the emergency power supply.

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)05:03:25 No.

  >>3180349
  But isn't that an enormous drain?

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)05:03:56 No.

  >>3180350
  Yes, but if we switch off his projection unit, we wouldn't have enough emergency power to
  re-initialise it. Mister Rimmer would be effectively dead.

>> [_] Cat 11/22/16(Tue)05:04:27 No.

  >>3180351
  Hey, things are looking up already!

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)05:05:15 No.

  Forget it. Whatever it is you're suggesting, forget it.

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)05:05:46 No.

  >>3180353
  But the entire ship is running on emergency battery power only. With the oxygen recycler and
  minimal heating and lighting, I estimate that Lister and the Cat have approximately two months
  left. Without your drain on the power, they might last six. I'm sorry, Sir.

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)05:06:17 No.

  >>3180354
  Sorry? Why are you sorry?

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)05:06:55 No.

  >>3180355
  Well, Space Corps Directive 195 clearly states that in an emergency power situation, a
  hologrammatic crewmember must lay down his life in order that the living crewmembers might
  survive.

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)05:07:26 No.

  >>3180356
  Yes, but Rimmer Directive 271 states just as clearly, "No chance you metal bastard."

>> [_] Cat 11/22/16(Tue)05:07:57 No.

  >>3180358
  Come on, man, you gotta sacrifice your life! I'm not asking you to do anything I wouldn't do!

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)05:08:28 No.

  >>3180359
  YOU? You'd sacrifice your life for the good of the crew?

>> [_] Cat 11/22/16(Tue)05:08:59 No.

  >>3180360
  No, I'd sacrifice YOUR life for the good of the crew.

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)05:09:29 No.

  >>3180362
  I beg you to reconsider, Sir. Human history is resplendent with examples of such sacrifice.
  Remember Captain Oates: "I'm going out for a walk. I may be some time."

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)05:10:00 No.

  >>3180363
  Yes, but the thing is, about Captain Oates; the thing you have to remember about Captain Oates;
  Captain Oates ... Captain Oates was a prat. If that'd been me, I'd've stayed in the tent, whacked
  Scott over the head with a frozen husky, and then eaten him.

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)05:10:31 No.

  >>3180365
  You would too, wouldn't you?

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)05:11:24 No.

  >>3180366
  History, Lister, is written by the winners. How do we know that Oates went out for this legendary
  walk? From the only surviving document: Scott's diary. And he's hardly likely to have written
  down, "February the First, bludgeoned Oates to death while he slept, then scoffed him along with
  the last packet of instant mash." How's that going to look when he gets rescued, eh? No, much
  better to say, "Oates made the supreme sacrifice," while you're dabbing up his gravy with the
  last piece of crusty bread.

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)05:11:55 No.

  >>3180369
  You've got no magnificence in your soul, have you, Rimmer?

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)05:11:57 No.

  what, uh....what am I looking at here?
  also, combo breaker.

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)05:12:14 No.

  Autistic level posting.

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)05:14:04 No.

  >>3180370
  Let's just say we can eliminate the switch-off option.

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)05:14:23 No.

  autism

>> [_] Cat 11/22/16(Tue)05:15:05 No.

  So what do we do now?

>> [_] Lister 11/22/16(Tue)05:15:36 No.

  >>3180376
  Well, it's back to basics. We've got no heat, no light, no power; we can't get any food out of
  the dispensing machines; we're gonna have to scavenge for what we can find in the cargo decks.
  Without computers and technology, we're reduced to the level of primitives. All we've got is us
  guys, us and our own resourcefulness.

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)05:16:54 No.

  In one of the storage levels, RIMMER appears around a corner, with KRYTEN following with a
  cartful of supplies.

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)05:17:57 No.

  Five days to get to and from the cargo deck. It's unbelievable!

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)05:18:28 No.

  >>3180379
  That's two thousand floors, Sir. Without the lift, we made pretty good time.

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)05:19:21 No.

  An explosion rips them into pieces, shifts them right, and reconstitutes
  them.

  KRYTEN pushes his right hand to the left, where it elongates into a paddle. He follows it, and
  stretches horizontally. His resemblance to a cube, normally due to the presence of right angles,
  is enhanced somewhat by the new width-to-height ratio

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)05:19:55 No.

  (In a voice reminicient of an old 78 rpm record being played at 33 rpm) What happened? What on
  Earth was that?

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)05:20:26 No.

  (In a voice like a 33 rpm disc being played at 78 rpm) I think it came from outside the ship. Are
  you okay? Is there any way we can get a damage report? What's going on?

>> [_] Kryten 11/22/16(Tue)05:20:57 No.

  >>3180384
  (Still sounding like a depressed dope addict in slo-mo) Why are you speaking so quickly, Sir?

>> [_] Rimmer 11/22/16(Tue)05:21:36 No.

  >>3180385
  (Still sounding like a speed addict who's inhaled helium) I'm not speaking quickly. I'm speaking
  perfectly normally. It's you. You're speaking too slowly. It's like having a conversation with
  Paul Robeson on dope.

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)05:22:07 No.

  KRYTEN steps back to RIMMER's side, regaining his normal proportions.

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)05:23:08 No.

  Where the hood, where the hood, where the hood at?
  Have that nigga in the cut, where the wood at?
  Oh, them niggas acting up?!? Where the wolves at?
  You better bust that if you go'n pull that
  Where the hood, where the hood, where the hood at?
  Have that nigga in the cut, where the wood at?
  Oh, them niggas acting up?!? Where the wolves at?
  You better bust that if you go'n pull that

  Man, cats don't know what it's gonna be
  Fuckin with a nigga like me, D-to-the-M-to-the-X
  Last I heard, y'all niggas was havin sex, with the same sex
  I show no love, to homo thugs
  Empty out, reload and throw more slugs
  How you gonna explain fucking a man?
  Even if we squashed the beef, I ain't touching ya hand
  I don't bunk with chumps, for those who been to jail
  That's the cat with the Kool-Aid on his lips and pumps
  I don't fuck with niggas that think they broads
  Only know how to be one way, that's the dog
  I know how to get down, know how to bite
  Bark very little, but I know how to fight
  I know how to chase a cat up in the tree
  Man, I give y'all niggas the b'iness for fucking with me, is you crazy?!

  Where the hood, where the hood, where the hood at?
  Have that nigga in the cut, where the wood at?
  Oh, them niggas acting up?!? Where the wolves at?
  You better bust that if you go'n pull that
  Where the hood, where the hood, where the hood at?
  Have that nigga in the cut, where the wood at?
  Oh, them niggas acting up?!? Where the wolves at?
  You better bust that if you go'n pull that

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)05:23:14 No.

  What the FUCK is going on in here?

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)05:40:57 No.

  I too would like to know the very same thing.

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)05:47:45 No.

  This thread is batshit.

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)05:47:59 No.

  >200+ replies on a single flash
  >it looks like some rp shit judging by the namefags

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)05:58:51 No.

  >>3180400
  >[209 / 0 / 10 / 12]

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)06:05:33 No.

  >wow a flash with 200+ replies on /f/

  >its probably just a fucking autist rambling

  >10 unique IPs

  yup

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)07:33:40 No.

  What the fuck?

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)07:48:35 No.

  did someone seriously type out the majority of a red dwarf episode in individual replies. What
  the fuck lmao.

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)08:00:43 No.

  Red Dwarf was a hell of a show.

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)08:38:59 No.

  DELET THIS

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)08:52:55 No.

  >>3180433
  And 4chan is a hellava drug.

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)09:03:00 No.

  >215
  witnessed

>> [_] Anonymous 11/22/16(Tue)09:11:24 No.

  >>3180389
  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA